She is in my trunk
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
