My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
