i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
