Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
