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I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
