soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
