Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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