unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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