Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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