3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize