She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just puked most of my soul out..
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
