Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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