I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
