Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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