it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
