And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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