Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
