He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
