so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
