yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
