God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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