the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
honey bunches of taint.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
