You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
