Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
