Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
