im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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