at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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