I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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