Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
