i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
