I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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