Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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