Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
