I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
