call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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