you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
