i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
