Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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