"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If that was your dad, he is hot
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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