Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
