her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
