I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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