I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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