I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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