it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
