I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
