OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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