As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
