If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
