What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
