so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
