I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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