Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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