But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
