I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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