i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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