i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
