So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
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he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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