Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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