Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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