Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
