I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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