I'll bet she douches with gravy.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
