i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
