I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
