I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
