im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
