That's when you crack a 10am beer
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
